Talk:Sophie Player/@comment-76.191.49.254-20180917214844

Sophie, after reading your story I found that I was intrigued by the imagery and its effectiveness in placing the reader in the story. You did a really good job at engaging the reader and making them feel the same feelings as the narrator. Also, the sticcato pacing of your introductory sentences create a sense of desperation that adds to the fearful atmosphere. My only critical suggestions for you would be to tighten up the last few sentences that tend to be a little over descriptive at times. I realize that this may have been a stylistic decision but in my opinion the sentence that says "and" multiple times could be revised to be more concise.